Thoughts on a C.S. Lewis Quote

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I have been living my emotional/romantic life for the past 3-4~ years terrified of a woman who would come by and break my heart. There. I said it.

Has this happened once before? Yes. Well, sort of.  My first girlfriend was a girl I met at a youth group meeting at church, and we dated for the majority of my senior year. When she broke up with me, she said that it was because she "didn't want a long-distance relationship" when I went off to college out-of-state and she finished her senior year. (She was about a year younger than me.)

I accepted this, and we had the "let's be friends" talk. Two weeks later, she has a new boyfriend and is telling me all about the dirty things they do in bed. Suffice to say, the girl who first laid claim to my heart was not a real girl, but rather a projection by my then-girlfirend of the kind of girl I was looking for.

 She became, afterwards, the polar opposite of the girl I had been in a "committed" relationship with for 9 months; abusing alcohol, illegal drugs, and generally living the high school party life.

Fast forward to freshman year of college, and the "OMG GURLZ" reaction of leaving the small pond and going to a huge lake. I was extremely flirtatious in college, I'm not ashamed to admit that. I had my eye on a number of girls, but there was one in particular that I really wanted to pursue a relationship with. She was cute, funny, extremely musical and a committed Christian, the "Proverbs 31" woman every young man in Bible college dreams of. I asked her on a couple "dates" (as much dating as one can do on a $20/week budget) before asking her about pursuing a relationship that could end in marriage. I think "courting" is the word I used. I was so noble in college, it's disgusting.

She said yes, and was very enthusiastic. A week later she came to me and told me that the nervousness she was feeling, she decided, did not stem from her first "real" relationship, but from the anxiety that our relationship wasn't something we could or should focus on. According to her, my direction in life was unclear and she couldn't commit to someone that lacked direction in life. I don't deny I lacked direction at the time, but what I needed then was less someone who wanted me to "get my poop in a group" and more someone who would help me along my way.

Since then, this young woman has gone on a choir tour that I could not attend due to my piss poor grades, and built a relationship with one of my friends that has led to their engagement. Am I still upset about "what could have been"? Absolutely. Was it almost entirely my fault? Probably. You can also see where this is going: Ron in a relationship is batting .00000000 and it's the bottom of the 7th with 2 outs.

Three or four emotional flings later, and here I am, 23 years old, without a meaningful relationship to my name these past 3 years. Am I being fearful about my next relationship? Yes. Part of it is being in the Army and adjusting to that kind of life, along with being overseas for the past 2 1/2 years and not taking too kindly to any of the locals, in a romantic sense. Yet here I sit. And I don't know where to go from here.

Today is All You Have

August Burns Red has a song called "Carpe Diem", which, as any entry-level Latin student/enthusiast will tell you, means "Seize the Day". The song is more or less a dialogue between the sinful and sacred natures, the demon on the left shoulder versus the angel on the right, and so forth. It's a great song to listen to on a run, because for me, the temptation to give up and just walk home is always there. To hear words like "I've chased this dream, to do what I love, and I wouldn't trade it for a thing" is very motivating.

I guess my point is that the best things in life that you can do are often the hardest.

Random Start: Lose Control, Stellar Kart

Honestly, I don't see much in Stellar Kart. They were one of a couple bands (along with Hawk Nelson, Sanctus Real, and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus) that I picked up pretty much on the basis of "I-liked-their-single-on-that-Christian-radio-station-so-let's-get-the-whole-album-for-Christmas." Basically, it's sub-par Christian-y punk rock that I didn't delete because I paid money for it.
That is all.

Christmastime...

This year was my first Christmas without the comforts of family and friends from home. Understandably, it was very different and kinda hard to get used to. So many traditions, like lighting the advent wreath candles, decorating the house, tree, shoveling the sidewalks and driveways, etc., went by the wayside. I tried to at least do the tree thing, but I didn't have my ornaments from home, and it didn't seem right to just buy a bulk pack of indiscriminate decorations. So the tree sat bare in the middle of the room, looking (and feeling, I'm sure, if the fairies in Fern Gully were right) pretty awkward there by itself. It's potted, so it could potentially last until next Christmas, if I remember to water it. Maybe I'll put it out on the balcony so it can get some sun and cold weather, like I'm sure a pine tree would like it.

But it wasn't all loneliness and no traditions this Christmas. I learned (more or less) this season that you're as merry as you want to be, and one of the best ways to make yourself merry is to make other people happy. I found that out when I gave out gifts of homemade jam to my friends and coworkers. The genuine surprise and happiness on their faces surprised me more than it did them, and it was nice to receive the gift of giving to others. I hope I remember this for next Christmas, so the gifts can be more personal and it won't be just my passing on gifts from my family. I think I will still get requests for my mom's jam next year, though. :P

Anyway, I still don't have plans for New Year's. Hopefully I can find a party that doesn't exclusively involve alcohol, like the last party I went to with people from the unit. We'll see, I suppose.

Inception

Seriously, Nolan? (Christopher, that is).
How can you be so gosh-darned talented at storytelling? It's not even fair.


SRSLY

Today was really weird

Do you ever have times where you're just sitting there at your computer, and you zone out, and then it seems like time just warps out of its natural frame and starts running away from you? And you want nothing more than to stop it from happening, but it's totally out of your power to do so?

I definitely had something like that happen to me today. I got back to the office after a hour-long drive back from Brussels for training, and was looking through some article or something on the Awesomer (which is a fun site in it's own right, and definitely not the cause of the time warp) and suddenly everything my NCO said warped into hyperspeed. I was unable to look away from the screen, or really move from my desk in any way, when out of the fog came an old joke Sgt. Karbowski and I hashed over a dozen times. I laughed, and that seemed to break the spell, only to send me into this weird mood swing where I could tangibly feel myself gyrating from manic to depressive and back again, the urge both to belly-laugh and to cry my eyes out ebbing and flowing, all with an undercurrent of anger that I wasn't in control of the situation.

I really have no idea what caused it. My best guess is that I had had an unusually large amount of coffee before, during, and after the drive back, and that maybe the excessive caffeine in my system may have triggered the "trip". Other than that I have no idea.

So that's what I did today.

Random Start: Under0ath: I'm Content With Losing

Early 2000's me was, in a word, angsty. As such, I listened to a lot of music like this.
Given that Under0ath has progressed the way they have the past couple albums, I regret nothing.

Arrival in Italy (Hurry up and Wait)

So, I've been in Italy almost a week now. The unit I was supposed to go to (683rd Support Detatchment) is in need of a Staff Sergeant Chaplain's Assistant, rather than a private. Therefore, I'm getting orders re-cut, and according to my old 1st Sergeant, I may very well end up in Bamburg, Germany. 
In the meantime, I'm trying to get to know the post a little bit, as well as work up the courage to head off post and see a little bit of Italy while I can. It's silly to think that I, an American Soldier, would be afraid of going out in a friendly city, but I am. I don't really have anyone I can go out with, and I'd be a little nervous about going out alone. I don't much care for the post, that much is certain. You could walk across the whole thing in about 10 minutes if you wanted to, the PX is pretty small and the only thing for entertainment is the standard bowling alley and movie theater-combination. 

Went to see Salt today, which wasn't too bad. There were almost as many plot twists and betrayals as there were gunshots, but it was entertaining enough for a couple hours time. 

My roommate is quite the party animal, apparently. Normally I wouldn't mind, except he seems to prefer to host these parties, which is pretty annoying when he's blasting his country music at max volume on his stereo and I'm trying to sleep or watch 24 or what have you. 

Anyway, I should know my unit in a few more days. Updates will follow as they happen. 

The Ballad of the Green Beret

Fighting soldiers from the sky
Fearless men who jump and die
Men who mean just what they say
These are men of the Green Beret. 

Silver wings upon their chest
These are men of America's best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win a green beret

Trained to live off nature's land
Trained in combat, hand to hand
Men who fight by night and day
Courage takes from the green beret

Silver wings upon their chest
These are men of America's best
One hundred men will test today
But only three win a green beret

Back at home my young wife waits
Her green beret has met his fate
He has died for those oppressed
Leaving her this last request

Put silver wings on my son's chest
Make him one of America's best
He'll be a man they'll test one day
Have him win the green beret.

What the Soldier/Sailor/Airman/Marine might be thinking...

Honestly, I don't look forward to complete strangers approaching me in the airport because they want to thank me for my service. I don't really want anyone to thank me for my service. I don't want military discounts on my food, my rent, my dishwasher, or my pimpin' rims. You know what i really want? I want to be left alone. The Army is a means, not an end. I joined to better myself and serve my country, not cut to the front of the line to board the aircraft and receive tumultuous applause upon deplaning. 
My Corps motto is "For God and Country". That means my primary service is to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, as a minister of hope from him to the Joes in my unit. If I serve him by serving others and being Christ to them, I have done my work for the day. Whether that means supplying the chapel with Bibles and Q'urans or refilling the Kool-ade bowl so it doesn't run out, or just sitting and listening to SPC Garcia talk about his family problems, I am being the image of Christ, a "little Christ" in their life. 
THAT is what my military service is about. I serve the people of the United States (especially it's soldiers) and live the Army values. 

Italy!

Yes, I realize this is two "new" posts in one day, but frankly I don't care, since the other post was actually like three weeks or more old. Besides, i have great things to write about! my permanent duty station is Camp Ederle in Vicenza, Italy! I am most pleased with this duty assignment. I do not know what unit i will be a part of, since all my orders say is Vicenza, but there is a good chance that i will be assigned to a batallion of the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team, which is a pretty sweet deal. Just being part of an airborne unit is cool enough as it is, but the brigade is deploying to Afghanistan in August, which would be exciting to say the least. Yes, it would suck to go play in the sandbox shortly after becoming part of the unit in Italy, but i am looking forward to the excitement that comes with going new places and actually being part of the "real army", the part that goes out and DOES STUFF.
as my good friend Chris Sedgewick says, "DO WORK SON". Good stuff. I may not be an infantryman, but i can DO WORK and i fully intend to when i get there. i have had more than enough rest time here at home, spending good quality time with mi familia and am kinda itching to get on to the next great thing. Even if the next great thing really sucks.
All the way, AIRBORNE!

Airborne School

Marking another milestone in my military career, I write to you, dear reader, from the bowels of Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Battalion, 507th Parachute Infantry Regiment. After all my grandstanding, showboating, and calling Airborne cadences at the top of my lungs, I am sitting with roughly 40 other non-airborne personnel ("legs") waiting for my doom to be decided. Well, maybe not necessarily my doom, but that seems to be the prevailing attitude around here. Formerly high-speed, fired up, motivated, damn near suffocated privates that were on their way to earning their wings are now resigned, unmotivated soldiers spending their days watching Avatar over and over. Frankly, it's hard to maintain a high level of motivation with that kind of crowd. Jokes that were formerly hilarious at Airborne School receive dead stares and mutters. I think you get the point.
What I really should be sharing with you is Airborne School itself. Dang, I highly recommend that to any soldier that wants to do something with their career. Not only does it give you so many opportunities in the Army, it is DAMNED GOOD FUN. Jumping out of an airplane with only a chute on my back and a reserve on my chest is a singularly exhilarating feeling. The terror and nervous energy that rushes through your bloodstream when you board the bird and take off is tremendous, and only surpassed by the commands, "Stand by... GO!"
I don't know if you've ever been near a prop-plane when it's about to take off, but it's loud. And a C-130 is even louder on the inside, because it's designed to keep the sound inside. So every rumble, every roar, every ping is multiplied inside the bird. And when you finally reach the door, hand your static line to the safety, and jump... the following silence is deafening. Then the shock of your main parachute opening, and you look up and you see the most beautiful thing a paratrooper can see: no holes, blown sections or gores, or broken suspension lines. A picture-perfect canopy. Cue hysterical screams of joy at the fact that you, Sir, are AIRBORNE! It's a one-of-a-kind experience.

So, as you might expect, being two jumps in and hurting your shoulder so you can't control your parachute, is frustrating. I'm supposed to be keeping my right arm in a sling right now so the silly thing can heal, and typing with it on is a weird thing, so it's coming off and on a lot. Pills are swallowed two or three times a day, along with periodic icing when the pain twinges more than usual, and attempts are made to console oneself that one will return to Ft. Benning, Georgia, the home of the Infantry, and earn those coveted wings. In time, you're convinced you'll be back, after all, your career just started, right? You have all the time in the world to make it back. And chances are, you'll be stationed with an Airborne unit and you'll get sent back in 6 months or so, once you're all healed up and good to go.
Until then, keep your head down, and your spirits up!

Pro Deo et Patria

So I was planning on getting back into this blog-writing thing after basic, but it's taken me some time to get used to the fact that I actually have regular and predictable computer access again. (Never mind the fact that I'm writing this on my iPhone.) 
Basic was a really good experience for me. I know that kinda sounds like I'm trying to put a brave face on what happened in the nine-week process that turned me into a Soldier, but it was actually rather enjoyable. If you were to ask some of my classmates in AIT, they could vouch for me that there are actually times I miss BCT.  I miss some of my Drill Sergeants, the people I lived with for those weeks, and the awesome combat-related stuff we learned. I definitely wish I had learned more combat skills than I did, but there is only so much you can cram into those weeks. 
At the same time, I'm glad I've moved on to Advanced Individual Training. I like having my phone available, if only during personal time. I like being able to fall asleep to my iPod and not have to get up on Sunday mornings. 
I also really appreciate being around (for the most part) like-minded people who understand what it is a Chaplain's Assistant does and why our job is in the Army. While the MOS of Chaplain's assistant is a mere 100 years old, the Chaplain's Corps is the second oldest corps in the Army, second only to the infantry, and that only by a couple months. Ours is an old and proud profession, and I'm honored to be a part of it. My class visited the Chaplain's museum yesterday, and to see the kind of memories made by chaplains and their assistants, medals of honor won, platoons saved from disaster, or even just a worship service at an altar made from local wood, 99mm mortar shells, and a Chaplains Assistant's ingenuity, it was both humbling and thrilling to think that I would be a part of said tradition. 
So while I'm doing these silly access guard shifts where I have to stay up for two hours doing absolutely nothing, I'll be recounting some of my experiences during AIT, and when I head to my first duty station I'll maintain it when I finally get situated and settled. Hopefully it'll be an awesome unit like the 101st Airborne or the 193rd infantry brigade. I dunno if I want to be part of anything crazy like an Army Ranger batallion or Special Forces, but if that's what they require I'll suck it up and do my duty. All I ask for is the capability and mindset to do my job and do it well. 
That's pretty much what's on my mind right now. The people I got to know while I was waiting for my class to pick up are in the field for the week, so the bay is a bit quieter and access guard happens a little more often, and tomorrow we'll actually get started in earnest on our classwork. (Our access cards wouldn't let us onto the computers until today). 
Until next time, may God bless you as I know he will in his wisdom, and remember that everything happens for a purpose. 
For God and Country!
Ron Chausse' 

Why We Are Afraid to Learn

Before I launch into the actual commission of thought to words, i should probably preface it by telling what led to this train of thought. I work with a number of very sarcastic, rude, and bitter people. Most of them are 50 or older, and are stuck in the job that they're in because they basically have no other place to go. All of them use tobacco and alcohol on a regular basis, and a number are divorced.
The other day, I (unknowingly) opened a very rank can of worms about abortion. I assumed, foolishly, that none of them would support it, since they all have kids of their own, and a number have grandkids. Suddenly a violent explosion of anger and caustic fury erupted upon me. Apparently both of them support early-term abortions, because they say the child isn’t viable on it’s own and therefore not really a human being. I of course argued about whether it was a potential child or not, etc.
The point is, we had a spirited “discussion” where neither of us was willing to compromise or consider changing our beliefs. And it got me started on thinking about the impudent audacity of human beings. We find a position on an issue, or an opinion about music, or we think we've found truth in a religion or belief system. And when we choose a side, an opinion, a religion, we put all our faith, trust, and value in that side, opinion, or religion. And as we grow older, we become less willing to change our position, either because we've gotten so good at defending it, or we're unwilling to consider the implications of a different world view. Or, (and this is my personal opinion) we're ashamed and terrified of appearing wrong in front of our peers.
Whether you believe it or not, peer pressure is at work even after Junior High. Human beings deeply desire, among other things, acceptance by our peers. And when we think or behave differently from them, or worse, change a position we once held with them to one they oppose, we do not get this acceptance. We are looked upon as an outcast, a "wannabe", or even an enemy. So to avoid hostility, we hold onto our beliefs, even though we know they are wrong.
There's a saying that we never learn from when we're right, but when we're wrong. Nothing is closer to the truth. Better to admit you were wrong, choose what is right, and lose some face among your friends than to cling stubbornly to erroneous belief systems. It takes a healthy share of humility, but don't humans need humility as much as they do right beliefs and right living, or righteousness, as God says?

The End of A Long Journey

As I sit and listen to Dustin Kensrue's song, "Please Come Home", I can't help but tear up as I think about the many families that have been through the prodigal son story themselves. The way he writes his words, and the tunes with them, reminds me how important family really is in this world of pain, sin, and alienation. It is now no surprise to me that people wish they could trade fame, riches, and even friendships for a strong, solid family life.
The reason this is titled "The End of a Long Journey" is because just last week, my sister decided to end a very hurtful and unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend of nearly 3 years. During that time she had estranged herself, whether knowingly or no, from the rest of our family. She was doubtlessly living in sin, and hardly ever seemed like she was very happy, though she lied to herself and us that she was, truly, happy with her relationship and life. We tried to be as loving and kind to her as we could, but she was always so "busy" that we rarely saw her. Family dinners were always tense, as we could tell Jewelie was trying very hard not to say anything that would offend us, or accidentally inform us of the sin in her life. It was palatable, watching her choose her words so carefully, and quickly cleaning up after a slip of the tongue that told the truth.
But what hurt us more than the lies, or the sin, or even her absence was that, for all this time, the person that called herself Jewelie Chausse and looked like Jewelie Chausse, really wasn't Jewelie Chausse. She had hidden herself under a guise of rebellion and sin, and we missed her dearly.
But now she is back! The past few days have been filled with sudden bright rays of authenticity, as the old(er) sister made a new appearance, albeit with some timidity. She is herself once again, and I can hardly believe it myself, that she really is back for good. I realize that there is a great deal of healing and growing ahead, but I am grateful that Jewelie is willing to make an effort to do so, and I hope to be an encouragement to her in as many ways as I can.
As for you, dear reader, I hope that you will carefully consider the person (or people) in your life that may be going through a similar experience. Maybe you have written them off, telling yourself that they're out of reach, beyond saving. Let me assure you that nothing could be further from the truth! The days before Jewelie told me she was breaking up with her boyfriend, that was the last thing on my mind. Yes, my family and I would get together and pray for her once a month or so, but I didn't think this was coming anytime soon. So don't give up hope! Your friends may be closer to redemption than you think. Also, prayer WORKS. It just may take longer than you think it should.

Ronald Leroy Chausse'

Mastodon: Crack The Skye

Another one just like the other one! This is the first studio recording of Mastodon's that I will have heard in its entirety, so there won't be many "this is different from their last record because..."-type comments. Also, the version of Crack The Skye that I bought has two versions of each song, a "traditional" recording and an instrumental of the song. I'll only be reviewing the traditional version of each song. Here we go!

Track 1: Oblivion
Nice slow, heavy intro. Fairly simple, but leaves room to grow. Overall sound doesn't sound too compressed, though it's nowhere near as "live as Beggars. Here comes a sweet fast riff that reminds me a little of the verse section of "Crazy Train". Oddly enough, vocals sound quite a bit like Ozzy as well. At least, the chorus part. I heard from a number of sources that drummer Brann Dailor made his vocal debut on this album. I'm going to guess he's singing on the verses of this song? He sounds good! Pretty decent range, nice clean tone. I suppose this album is very "singy" for Mastodon, most if not all of their previous albums have been almost exclusively screamed. I think I might like this version of Mastodon better. Acoustic-sounding intro to the bridge and solo, maybe a 12-string with light fuzz? Solo here, sounds pretty exotic, but not in a sitar-y kind of way. Maybe a Russian scale? There was a lot of russian influence on the record overall, as I recall. Grigory Rasputin makes a mention, but then how can you make a metal album about Russians and NOT mention Rasputin. Really. Song is coming to it's end on that same riff.
OSR: 4 Stars

Track 2: Divinations
BANJO INTRO! Sweetness. Pretty fast. Have i mentioned Brann's set sounds amazing? I don't know what brand he uses, but it's good. Different singer on the verse here, possibly Brent Hinds. I think he's the homeless-looking one. =P Sweet 6/8 riff here. Good mid-fast tempo for headbanging. Pretty noisy, fast riff here. Almost punky. Very predominant bass, clearly using a pick. And now they're just jamming over this riff for a while. Sweet trill... and we're back to the chorus. Ooh... odd time signature? That sounds sweet. maybe 5/4 or something.
OSR: 3.5 stars

Track 3: Quintessence
Another really big/epic intro. Kinda slow, but it may well pick up. Yup, it did. Cool circular riff from one guitar. We seem to be sticking with Brent for the clean vocals here, I can't say for sure, it just seems like a voice like this would come from a face like his. =) hmm... Dear Brent: surely you can think of a better lyric than "letting go" 5 times in a row. No, make that 10. ouch. Well it's better than screaming incoherently. That circular riff has reappeared, and we seem to be making clever use of a synthesizer here. Nothing as bad as Journey or Van Halen, it's rather tasteful. And an ethereal sort of oohing vocal. "Letting go" again... and we're riffing over a bass line, and another odd time signature! I have to say, what Mastodon may lack in vocal talent and lyric writing, they make up for with rhythmic prowess. Screamed vocals! ish. Almost whispered. At any rate, there isn't a pitch associated. OSR: 3.4 Stars

Track 4: The Czar: Usurper / Escape / Martyr / Spiral
Wow. Long song title, even longer song. 10:54. Ten minutes. Wow. Well we have a cool, minor-y synth intro, followed by a mirroring guitar. Synth fades out, guitar only. And now all the instruments are in. Bass line is making some cool harmonic things here, and the drums are nice and quiet, for the time being. Interesting parrallel octaves thing going in the vocals. Brent seems to be singing again. Sigh... Were I the producer i think i would encourage Brann Dailor (drums) to sing more. He has a better voice. "Don't Stay, run away" seems to be the theme so far. Not sure who is running or from whom, but i have a feeling it's the same theme with Rasputin. Tzarina is mentioned a couple times here. Cool quasi-heavy guitar riff happening. And a fast riff! woo. I like this part. A lot. Really sweet repeating lick/riff thing happening. And we seem to have a third singer... our bassist perhaps? I know one of them doesn't sing. I like that Brann doesn't always put his cymbal crashes on the first beat of a measure. It keeps you waiting for it. The anticipation is nice. And we have that same lick again. It is HOT, and it's very creative. I think it would sound pretty sweet regardless how slow you played it. And whoever's playing it nails it every time. Cool chord progression here, sounds like Sabbath sped up a bit. ooh, and we seem to have switched moods again. Very acoustic-y, 6/8 time-y. I like how even though this song is long, it holds your attention. I think this is the "Martyr" portion of the song. Though it could well be "Spiral". It sounds like what a spiral would sound like, but we have another 4 minutes until the end of the song. Sweet, extended solo with some nice Tele-like tone, but i'm sure it's a Gibson. That's all i've ever seen them play with. And we're back to the slow bit with "Don't stay, run away" again. I guess it works. It's not my favorite part of the song, but it's not a bad place for it. And i guess that's the end? It's got that same exotic-tone to it. OSR: 5 stars.

Track 5: Ghost of Karelia
Cool syncopated cymbal intro. Another circular riff. I really dig that they keep looking for a way to make odd time-signatures work. It's sweet. I'm not really sure what to make of the title, but i suppose it would help if I had the lyrics in front of me. Starting to get heavy, reminding me of live videos from their older stuff. The drums are really busy on this one, lots of 16th note runs and such. This is kind of an unremarkable track otherwise, though it could well be because i'm coming off the high from the Czar. OSR: 3 Stars

Track 6: Crack The Skye
Well, this is the title track. So far so good. Got that same 12-string arpegiation thing going on. Fairly slow tempo for this portion of the song. Cool progression with the riff here, and now we are HEAVY METAL! We are screaming and we are angry. Wooooooooooo cool. I like. Very heavy, very well-placed in the song. Matched well with the vocals right after. Hmm. This tempo change kinda feels like slamming on the brakes, but we're back up to speed in no time. There is a good deal of screaming on this one (compared to the rest of the record);slamming on the brakes again, and now a solo! cool. Got a little bit of a Jimmy Page-style to it, and now we're working with a watery-sounding talkbox. Cool. Making words of some kind, but I can't make them out. It could well be a distortion box for a vocal and i just can't tell. And another solo, this one probably from Bill Keheiler. Tempo seems to be like a slow-slamdance tempo, not too fast, not too slow, and plenty heavy. "I can see the pain, it's written all over your face" is a cool line from this song. Dropping the volume down to a couple acoustics, and this one is wrapped. OSR: 4.8 stars

Track 7: The Last Baron
Wooo. Longest metal song EVER! 13:00. Cool fuzzy 12-string thing again. "We can set this world ablaze". Watery talkbox thing again. Another midtempo 6/8 song. Me likey. Wait wait... they're pleading with a female here? this is MASTODON for crying out loud. They don't beg for anything. They just TAKE. Weirdness. Oh well, it's the music that matters, and it is pretty stellar. Now we're taking the busyness up a step, the tempo seems the same. This is good. Going a little faster yet, drumming is fantastic, very busy kind of snare pattern going on. 5/4 pattern that is SMOKIN hot here. I am really digging these longer songs. They seem to have put more effort on them, and it shows. The articulation in the guitars is really clean, i like this a lot. Too many guitarists try to play as fast as they can, and it gets sloppy, but they don't do this. Ooh. Now they're going all break-down-y on me. Weird. It's really tight and all, but it doesn't really match what the rest of the album is like. Well, the drums match pretty well. It's just that the guitars match it exactly. I dunno. I guess it works. You can't have a song 13 minutes long and have all of it be perfect. Here's a cool groove-metal pattern. I like groove metal, if you know me at all.

And that's Crack the Skye! Odd time signatures, huge drum parts with elaborate fills, long, involved solos with eastern flavor, and songs about astral projection and Grigori Rasputin! I enjoyed the ride, and hopefully you will too! I always applaud metal artists who get out of the rut of screaming all their vocals. It is a difficult thing to do to write both interesting instrumental parts and vocals. Just be sure to buy the album. Not only will you be supporting these artists (for artists they are), but you get some pretty sweet cover art and fold-outs if you buy them from iTunes. Seriously. Check them out.

Thrice: Beggars

Taking a cue from a similarly music-based blog (as this one seems to be shaping up to be), i am going to review Thrice's new album Beggars as I listen to it, so as to best give my first impression of the album. Here goes!

Track 1. All The World Is Mad

Cool intro. The Breckenridge brothers are tight and solid. Dustin Kensrue's voice has a nice, smooth vibrato to it that seemed to be lacking in the previous EPs for the respective elements. Haunting sort of melody, with a busy, Telecaster-laden riffage happening behind it. Drummer's kit is kinda noisy, but it lends energy to the song. "Something's gone terribly wrong, everywhere... all the world is mad..." Excellent songwriting once again, Dustin. Props. And this arpeggiation Teppei is putting out is HOT. Fast, tasteful, and driving. Overall song rating: 4.5 stars.

Track 2. The Weight

Lightly fuzzy, acoustic-y sounding intro. Kensrue's famous "bathroom stall" echoes in intro as well. Little bit of a math-rock vibe to this one. It's in an even signature, but you can count on breckenridge, Inc. to make you think twice about that. Chorus is a powerful kind of slow-slamdance one, a la' "The Earth Will Shake" from Vheissu. (Did Teppei put away the Les Paul for good on this record? I think i hear another 70's Tele). Another noisy kind of drum kit vibe, must be a theme for the record. Oo... clever interlude happening here. Drummer's classic kick-and-rimshot beat. Theme for the song seems to be standing up under opression, a great weight etc. Overall song rating: 4 stars

Track 3. Circles

Acoustic intro. Slow and contemplative. Tricky melody by Kensrue. True slowdance material for indie-rock kids. Once again, the Breckenridge brothers mess with my sense of rythmn and such. Seems to be a sort of "where do we go from here" kind of mood going on here. whether this is based on a relationship or a dry season of spirituality, it isn't clear.

Clever but simple guitar solo from Teppei. Maybe playing a Strat? I really should know but it's kind of effects-laden. Overall song rating: 3.8 stars

Track 4. Doublespeak

Math-rocky intro. I think the first time there's a dominant piano part. "Ends justify the means" kind of mindset. Another slow-slamdance song. I think this is what people mean when they say "groove-based rock". It doesn't sound fast, mostly just really locked in tight. Make no mistake, though, not any hack could play this. Half-time feel to the chorus, with a slowed-down kind of "Artist In The Ambulance" vibe to it. Bridge is laced with feedback and whammy-bar type harmonics. Overall feel seems to be reaching for "epic", but landing around "huge".

Song rating: 4 stars

Track 5. In Exile

Another slower intro, but fairly simple beat. Drummer's using fans, or similar soft, jazzy kind of "sticks". Allusions to C.S. Lewis and the Apostle Paul, a la "through a glass darkly". Seems to be a "not of this world" vibe. Aaand there Dustin said it himself. "I am not of this world, i'm just passing through". hehe. Reminds me of the drawing Jude made in "Across the Universe". If i could get a print of that, that would be amazing. I would put that up in every room i ever stayed in. but i digress. Solid, simple-for-Thrice kind of song. Ethereal sort of ending, which i really dig.

Overall rating: 4.8 stars

Track 6. At the Last

ooh. Fast. but groovy, like they said. Cool shuffle effect with the snare and kick drum. Seriously detuned bass (i thought they got rid of that after "Ambulance"?) or maybe it's a 5-string. That would make more sense. Kind of minimal approach for guitars, but it works for this song. Bass continues to drive, almost incessantly. Ugh... Breckenridge's doing that annoying "crash-cymbal-on-every-beat" riff. Not a fan. Oh well it's over. Oh. OH. Teppei, what is UP man? You been taking lessons from BB King? That lick was BLUESY. Overall rating: 4 stars

Track 7. Wood and Wire

Ethereal, lightly fuzzy guitar intro. Reminds me of the Air EP from The Alchemy Index. Another shuffle beat that makes me happy. And thickly-layered Kensrue-on-Kensrue harmonies. Really makes me happy. Although this isn't exactly a feelgood kind of song. Mellow, rainy-day-in-seattle kind of vibe. I want coffee... *pauses song and brews a pot* Back! Still digging the harmonies Kensrue is coming up with. Longish instrumental outtro, trippy kind of end. Overall song rating: 3.5 stars

Track 8. Talking Through Glass / We Move Like Swing Sets

Heavy kind of groove drum intro... cool. AND DUSTIN KENSRUE IN YOUR FACE! REAAAAHFREARARRRRGARG!! cool. I'm sold. The title has me confused though... Meh. It's not as important as I think it is, i bet. Cool vocal bends that Dustin's trying out. Nothing extravagant, but it gets your attention. *sips coffee* i think this french roast is the best thing that's happened to me as far as coffee is concerned in a long time. Like since espresso. Ooh. And now we've gone all acoustic, Earth-EP-esque. Hmm. Cool humming in BG, I dig. The swing sets part of the song seems to be kicking in, but these are not happy swing sets, they're sad and wistful. Overall song rating; 4.9 stars

Track 9. The Great Exchange

Interesting sort of guitar intro. I like the drumroll kind of beat Breckenridge is putting out. Kensrue is consistently creating some memorable-yet-original melodies too. Very haunting. I think that if i could pick one word for this album, it would be haunting. Or ethereal. Lots of oohs and hums and such. The Great Exchange seems to be referring to Christ's willingness to trade his life for ours. "Your body is a bridge across an endless sea..." Cool. Overall song rating: 5 Stars

Track 10. Beggars.

Ok. This is it. The summation of this album. Intro reminds me of "Miserable Visu" from Anberlin's latest record, but it sounds a little smaller, scale-wise. It seems to be very restrained, like they're afraid their audience will run away if they play too loud, but they also seem to have an urgency to say what they need to. Kensrue's melody is very inventive, again. Bends. They're new to his repertoie, but they are sweet.

ooh. bigger. More distortion, more passion to vocals. Gritty. mm. mm.. goood. Desperate. And then back to tender and quiet. Almost crack-ily quiet, for the vocals. Ooh, i sense an epic guitar solo coming! Hmm... Maybe not what i was expecting, but it's still pretty good. Longer than many of Teppei's other efforts. Kinda repetitive, but i guess it's becoming more of a riff than a solo. Almost atonal, very Tele-like tone. Overall song rating: 5 Stars

And that's it! I was kinda surprised at the end. Expecting more, perhaps. A more epic end, like Red Sky did for "Vheissu". It's the shortest Thrice album that I own, anyway, not counting the Alchemy EPs. It almost seems unfinished, in that it ends very noisily. Ah well. It's a good album, and I would recommend it to any long-time Thrice lover, for certain. For a new recruit, i think i would have them listen to at least their 3 previous albums, to get a feel for where they're coming from. The transformation that occurs from "The Artist In the Ambulance" to "Beggars" is simply astounding.

Sigh...

Prepare yourself, those of you who don't care much for quasi-depressing blog posts. i'm in a bit of a hum-drum mood, as i seem to be at a dead end as far as options are concerned. i'm enlisting into the Active Duty portion of the army, adn i can't say that currently i'm all that excited about it. Granted, there are a lot of benefits that come with SERVING YOUR COUNTRY but i'm in such terrible shape... It doesn't seem like i'll be in good enough condition to make it through basic. I went running this morning with one of my recruiters from the Bozeman office, and i nearly died. at least, i thought i had. the last couple hundred yards were absolute hell, and i wanted to drop dead, drink a gallon or two of water, and take a massive dump all at the same time. And this was with semi-supportive people running with me, prior to basic. How I'll make it through the real Basic Training, I don't know. I hear success stories like this guy Sean who lost like 35 pounds in one month, and i think to myself, "That's really nice and all, but i just don't think that i could do that without massive amounts of willpower and not a lot of "fun foods". I like to eat. I like eating unhealthy foods. I'm not exactly a fan of running.

I've been a musician for well over half my life. I'm not a warrior. Granted, I'm not in a combat MOS, but I don't much care for the warrior mentality. It all seems so destructive and reckless. I'd rather create and build and invent and so on, than destroy. Destroying is easy. It comes naturally. It's part of fallen human nature. It's not something God has commanded us to do as followers of his Son, Jesus Christ. How can I justify serving a portion of our government that has largely been responsible for a good deal of human suffering and death for the past 200 or so years? Even if I'm helping the individuals who have participated in this destruction to recover and lead healthy, productive lives, I'm not sure that it's really worth it.

Your input, dear reader, is of course, greatly appreciated. Am I over-analyzing my role in the American Armed Forces? Should I worry about the actions and misdeeds of people out of my control, even out of my sphere of influence?

The End of The Music Industry And the Return of Music as an Art Form

Sounds like doom and gloom eh? Not so much. No my friends, with the advent of p2p sharing sites like limewire and BitTorrent that allow you to get whatever artists and songs you want for free, the music industry as we know it is in for a change. I think we’re all aware of this, what I intend to establish is that this change will be for good.

How is this possible, you might ask? It's rather simple. Remember how rock stars used to get "money for nothing and their chicks for free"? (Apologies to Dire Straits). That was a huge draw to someone considering musicianship as a career. Make a record, get signed, play some shows, make a music video, BAM. Instant stardom. This is what the music industry was for the past 30 or so years. Music was brought to you by the radio, TV, and occasionally that friend you had at the record store. Yes, there actually was a time when Metallica's "Master of Puppets" and Pantera's "Psycho Holiday" were played on FM radio.

But all of this changed with the advent of computer popularity and the internet. For a while, the internet actually boosted album and single sales. Bands that would otherwise have gone unnoticed for lack of publicity, exposure, or a label to promote them could promote their music with their own Myspace page that allowed others to listen to samples of their music for free. It was great for a while. But then peer-to-peer, or P2P sharing programs like Limewire, Bittorrent, and Frostwire made it possible for others to share unprecedented amounts of media to anyone who agreed to the terms of service and had a high-speed internet connection. Granted, all of this is illegal by the passage of numerous Federal and State laws, but frankly you have to be downloading terabytes of media in order for your ISP to flag you for illegal downloading. It's practically impossible for the government to catch someone on an illegal downloads charge, which is why the penalties are so harsh and the fines so steep when someone is caught. There's quite a bit of media attention for it as well.

So, dear reader, you may be thinking to yourself, "ok, all of this makes sense, but what about the return of music as an art form? That I don't get." Well, I'm glad you asked.

This is my hope and aspiration for the music industry. I anticipate that, since it will become harder and harder to make a living as a musician, there will be fewer mediocre and poor musicians attempting to make music for a living, as it just wouldn't be feasible anymore. The ones that do try, will make the absolute best music that they can, maybe take some theory and composition classes at colleges, and, in short, make better music. Granted, this is a pretty optimistic hope, but I think it can happen.

One of the bands that is doing just this is a little group from Berklee School of Music in Boston, named Dream Theater. The level of musicianship, complexity of composition, and intensity of passion is simply unbelievable. A number of the band members have Bachelor's and even Master's degrees in Music Performance from Berklee, and frankly, it shows. While the setting of the music is clearly a progressive metal environment, the classical schooling they've received for their music is blatantly obvious. If more bands took the approach that Dream Theater has, I am confident that better, more accomplished music will be on the rise for popularity and music will return to an Art Form, rather than a Business or Industry.

Flyleaf and "Christian" Music

Part two of an unintentional series, I'd like to examine the effect the Christian music industry has on bands that would never have made it anywhere in the "real world" of music, but instead, in the warm, friendly incubator of "Christian" music, enjoy unwarranted success due to their participation in a niche market. Unless you completely ignored my title, you know that the band I intend to tear apart in this entry is Flyleaf.
It is my conviction that Flyleaf has only enjoyed the success that it has, because they have a unique niche in the "Christian" music industry. They are a moderate to heavy rock band with a female vocalist that, on rare occasion, screams her vocals. There is no other band, to my knowledge, that does this, if they have, they aren't doing very well in the music industry, Christian or not. The only other bands that come to mind in the secular industry are bands like Straight Line Stitch, Arch Enemy, and Lacuna Coil. These bands have female vocalists as well, but Arch Enemy is strictly screamed vocals, and Lacuna Coil is strictly sung vocals. Straight Line Stitch does mix screamed and sung vocals, but they aren't doing as well as the other two (although, if we were going by uniqueness, they should be at the very top. When was the last time you remember a heavy metal band being fronted by a black chick?)
That being said, uniqueness shouldn't be enough for the band to become famous. The musicians should be proficient at their instruments, have catchy enough riffs to remain in memory, and the singer's voice shouldn't make you want to surgically remove your inner ear with a rusty nail. Unfortunately, Flyleaf fails at all three of these checkpoints. The closest thing to proficiency that I have come across in listening to their music is the distorted bass riff at the beginning of "I'm So Sick", which is not only extremely difficult to pick out as a "tune", but is, at best, mirrored exactly by the electric guitars. This is music, at best, rudimentary. Usually, either the guitarist or the bassist will get tired of sounding like each other, and branch out into harmonic or intentionally discordant phrases so it doesn't sound like one person playing different instruments simultaneously.
Lyrics should be adequately written as well, which is probably Flyleaf's strongest points. What they lack in poetic phrasing, they nearly make up for with brutal honesty about the Columbine killings, etc.

Sigh... ok. I've been workin on this post for well over a month now, and i just can't get it to work without my sounding like a judgemental jerk/music snob. Maybe i should just drop it. But it's difficult to believe that Flyleaf's debut CD has gone platinum whereas great artists like Buckethead are by and large unheard of.

Poorly ended, but it needed to happen. I need something new to write about.